Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
