Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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