hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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