Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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