we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
well you can't waste a boner
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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