i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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