I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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