Well apparently he's into motor boating.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
