tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
