Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
