I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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