She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
