My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
