We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
