ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
