I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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