I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
