Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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