While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
