what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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