Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
