When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
