i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
