there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
