Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
too bad you live with your parents still
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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