Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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