don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
