I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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