My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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