Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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