Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
