I just pynch a tree in the face
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
