I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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