Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
