awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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