Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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