We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
