i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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