stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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