both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
