So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
