I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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