Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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