I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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