Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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