yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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