is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
