I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
