He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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