I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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