i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
