Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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