Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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